I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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