hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
