I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
