Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
