he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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