Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My breasts were aching with rage.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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