You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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