This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
