I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
