I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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