I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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