He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
