I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
