I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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