WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
