things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
