I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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