he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
