Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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