I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
