She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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