he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
