im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
