fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
