You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
