see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
