smell my finger.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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