Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
