Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
