It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You pole danced in your parka.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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