Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
