dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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