did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to stop coming to work sober
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
