it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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