i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
