In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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