I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
