Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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