I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
