so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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