I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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