Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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