Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
