it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
