so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
