I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
