Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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