you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
