My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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