Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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