He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
