I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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