I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
