bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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