his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
