OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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