You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
