I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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