Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
