bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just pee around me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
