I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
