mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
