Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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