There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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