We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
