i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
