What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
